Unless you have been out of touch this last week you have heard and read about the horrible scene that played out on the football field when Damar Hamlin was hit hard in the chest and basically fell over dead. The entire world seemed to galvanize around him in prayer. Scenes of teams on their knees and prayer vigils abounded. I’m thrilled that he has recovered so miraculously, but I am somewhat uncomfortable with this kind of prayer. I’m sorry, but I cannot in my mind and heart, connect our prayers with his recovery. I cannot believe in a God who waits until there are ENOUGH prayers to decide to answer them.
What about the people in Haiti who are without food and water and electricity who are being terrorized by gangs? They pray everyday and nothing gets better. Or how about the ardent fervent prayers for the young mother with terminal cancer that go unanswered?. We could point to thousands of times prayers like these (no less sincere than the ones for Damar) have gone unanswered.
The problem is that we live (probably unconsciously) in a reward/punishment system of thinking about God. It’s like training rats in a cruel cosmic lab experiment. You get tasty pellets if you do it “right” and you get a shock if you do it “wrong”.
So praying a lot is “right. And if we don’t get the answer we hope for we assume it is because we did not pray enough or with enough faith.
This model reduces God to a reluctant benefactor. He has the power to fix things up here, but we haven’t jumped high enough or run fast enough for Him to grant us the requests we long for.
I think there are several ways for us to see this differently. First, there is the Buddist teaching of “no hope”.
Pema Chodron, says, ‘If we are willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we can have the courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation.”
This means that even though we have a desired outcome we honestly come to God in the same spirit that Jesus did. Jesus did not want to suffer the awful death staring him in the face, but instead of asking to avoid it, he said “May this cup pass from me but thy will be done”.
We give up our agenda. We hold our desires lightly and whisper over and over again, “You know what I want here in this situation but Lord, I lean into your will instead of mine, knowing that I can trust you”.
This kind of prayer acknowledges that we don’t have the whole picture. We don’t see how adversity and pain can fit into the great work of God in us and in our world. We only see what we want.
To me it’s like a child who sees a plate of cookies and wants to eat as many as possible right now. Mom knows that dinner is soon, and she knows that too many cookies will make the child sick. So, the answer is a loving “no”.
We come to God with our strong and narrow perspective. Why wouldn’t God want Damar to get better? Why wouldn’t God want the young mom to miraculously recover from cancer?
The answer is, we don’t know. But that’s just the point isn’t it?
We see so little. Our view is so finite. We cannot possibly understand or see the big picture.
Is it not a great sign of humility to simply come to God with our heartaches and say, “Lord, here’s what I’d like to have happen but I clearly admit I don’t see the big picture. So I simply ask you to make your loving companioning presence known in this adversity and to allow the outcome that is BEST.”
The second problem I have with this kind of prayer is that it exposes the view of God we hold. This kind of God needs convincing. This God is reluctant to do good. This God rewards only those rats who get it right.
The God I see and know is a God of outrageously generous giving. In the parable of the vineyard workers the boss (God) gave the same wages to vineyard workers who showed up early and worked hard all day as He did the workers who showed up late and took a bunch of smoke breaks along the way. He is the Father who did not even want to hear his no-good son’s apology, and instead lavished him with a feast and fine clothes. This is the God of grace and abundant giving we see over and over in Scripture. (Parable of the prodigal son)
I am the first to admit that I really don’t understand the role of prayer in the universe. I mean, after all, if God is in control of it all what point is my little tiny small prayer?
I think of prayer more like visiting with God than going to see Santa Claus. Have you ever had a best friend to whom you can tell anything? You know they have your back. You know they keep your confidences. You know that they have seen your bull shit, but they know your heart. After you’re done talking they probably are unable to solve anything, but you feel so much better just having had a safe place to talk.
So God has invited us to treat Him as such a friend.
Phillipians 4:6 in the Message says: ‘Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life”.
Knowing that we are not alone, that someone really understands and is with us is the comfort we seek. At night when I can reach out and hold Ro’s hand I am comforted. She can’t fix the things the trouble me, but she is there in the muck with me.
Picture this God.
“For you, oh God, are a compassionate and gracious God,
Slow to anger, abounding love and faithfulness.” Psalm 86:15
So here are some ways we might pray.
My loving Friend, give me courage for this situation. Help me to know your loving companioning presence and give me grace to accept whatever outcome honors you and your kingdom the most.”
Or, “God, you see the evil, power-hungry , megalomaniacs who are in power these days. I won’t name them because I don’t know their hearts as you do. I do pray that you will overcome all evil, wherever it is found, especially in me, and bring instead your kingdom of grace, and never-ending mercy.”
Or, “Lord Jesus you see the destructive unhealthy ways of my children. May you invade their world in such a way that they know your loving presence, and they seek to align their lives with your heart of justice, truth and mercy.”
Notice the lack of telling God what to do. We are along for the ride. May your heart be comforted in knowing you are accompanied on this journey by the merciful, ever-present, loving God who promised never to leave you.
