OF THIS I AM SURE
Just last week I FINALLY went to the hardware store to get a toilet paper holder that would actually NOT fall off the wall. For seventeen years I had lived with one that frequently came off the wall. After the 100th time of getting my tiny screwdriver and flashlight and wedging myself between the toilet and the wall to fix it, I was finally fed up. Oh don’t get me wrong, I had thought many times about getting a new one, but I was stuck because I could not think of how to patch the huge hole the old one would leave. So it took me 17 years to finally DO something about it. Turns out it was a pretty easy fix.
All of this got me thinking about how we humans get used to carrying around the broken places in ourselves. After years and years we get accustomed to living with “it” until it actually feels sort of normal. It’s just the way things are.
There are three stories in the Bible about people who carried their brokenness like this for many years.
The first story goes like this:
“He was teaching in one of the meeting places on the Sabbath. There was a woman present, so twisted and bent over with arthritis that she could not even look up. She had been afflicted with this for eighteen years. When Jesus saw her, he called her over. “Woman, you’re free!” He laid hands on her and suddenly she was standing straight and tall, giving glory to God.
Luke 13:10-17
The next story is found in John 5:1-18.
There were hundreds of sick, blind, and paralyzed people who were taken everyday to a pool in Jerusalem that was believed to have healing powers. Beliefs were held that the pool would bubble up sometimes. If you were one of the lucky few who got in the water first you would be healed. It was, of course, an old fable, but they believed it. So, day after day, after day these very sick people sat around the pool waiting to hit the lottery. One guy who was paralyzed had been coming for 38 years. It had become a way of life for him. Everyday somebody had to carry him there. He probably had his favorite place to sit, like the people who always pick the same seat at church. He was, no doubt, surrounded by the same group of friends. They probably talked about politics and town affairs, and the latest news, took naps, and ate their packed lunches. Day after day after day they waited for something magical to happen that would change their lives.
One day Jesus showed up and saw this mass of suffering humanity. Then His eyes fixed on our paralyzed guy.
Here’s what how it unfolded.
“Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there. He said, “Do you want to get well?”
The sick man said, “Sir when the water is stirred I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.”
Jesus said ,”Get up, take your bedroll, and start walking.” He picked up his bedroll and walked off”.
Our third story is of a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. According to Jewish custom this condition made her “unclean”. She was forced to isolate and had to avoid touching anyone. Over the 12 years she had spent every single dime she had on doctors, who did absolutely nothing to help her. Her life was one of loneliness, shame, and desperation. Having heard about Jesus she thought she would give it one last chance. When she found him he was in the middle of a huge crowd. Because she was filled with shame she did not even dare to speak up and ask for help. But with great determination she pushed through the crowd until she got close enough to touch His robe. Immediately she was healed. Jesus stopped and asked, “Who touched me?” Of course the crowd was jostling him and he was being touched by hundreds of people. But He knew that her touch was different. Her touch was one of desperation and hope.
When she realized she was found out, she came trembling to him. In front of everyone she blurted out her whole shameful story, a story she had worked so hard to keep concealed for 12 years. Jesus said, “Daughter, you took a risk, trusting me, and now you are healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!” Mark5:25-34
Eighteen years
Thirty eight years
Twelve years
These dear people had grown accustomed to their ways of life and it seemed impossible for there ever to be a change. Isn’t it easy to just let life grind on and on?
The lady bent over could not even look up anymore. The paralyzed man had carved out a sad meager routine he called life. The bleeding woman had resigned herself to a life of lonely shameful isolation.
I wonder what pulls us down with our faces to the ground? What pool we might be sitting beside waiting for a magical cure? What feels so shameful to us that we cannot even speak of it to anyone, or maybe even to ourselves?
We all carry something. We all live with pain that feels heavy and hard.
Depression, anger, shame, fear, blinding ambition, traumatic memories, deep wounds from people we loved, searing losses, and addictions are among the loads we allow ourselves to carry for many years.
I don’t know what you have been healed from or what pain still pulls you down but Nadia Bolz-Weber writes:
“No matter what it is in your life that is seen or unseen by others, no matter what you have already healed from, no matter what pain remains hidden, no matter, no matter, no matter. God loves you too much to leave you unseen and emotionally unhealed.”
We become so accustomed to living with our pain that we begin to accept it with hopeless resignation. But I assure you there is nothing normal about being bent over in our spirits, or letting years pass by waiting for a magical “cure”, or in hiding our true selves because of shame.
I love that in each of these stories Jesus is the one who SAW them, the one who noticed them, the one who cared and brought loving restorative health to them.
God sees us in our brokenness. HE really sees the deepest “us”. He knows us better than we could ever know ourselves. God cares deeply, and it is God’s intention to help us live our most whole and healthy lives.
To find this kind of healing we may need to give up our arrogant independence and reach out for help. We may need to get a good therapist, we may need to take the meds that are prescribed for us. We may need to go to an AA meeting, or find an honest group of friends who won’t just bullshit all the time. We may need to go to scary places in ourselves and face the demons that chase us. We may need to give up wasting our lives waiting for some magical cure to arrive.
It takes courage to see and own the fact that we are broken.
It takes courage to take the first baby steps toward wholeness.
It takes an open heart to know that God sees you.
It takes vulnerability to ask for help.
It takes a good long look at how things are and a decision to make them different with the help of a God who loves and sees us.
What I can promise you is that God sees you.
God loves you more than you can ever imagine being loved.
And God longs to free you from the pain you carry.
Of this, I am sure.